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Heisenburg is driving down the highway when a police officer pulls him over.
The officer asks, “Do you know how fast you were going?” Heisenburg replies, “No, but I know exactly where I am!”
Descartes walks into a bar and orders champagne, explaining that he is celebrating a major philosophical breakthrough. The bartender gives him his drink. Descartes downs it all in one gulp.
The bartender, trying not to look surprised, asks, “Would you like another?”
Descartes says, “I think not.”
And he disappears!
An atom says to another, I think I lost an electron. The other replies, “are you positive?”
A physicist, an engineer, and a computer scientist are in a car together. While going down a steep hill, the brakes suddenly stop working. The 3 of them narrowly avoid a serious accident. Later, the 3 of them are discussing what happened.
The physicist says “let’s try to measure the coefficient of friction between the hill and the tires.”

The engineer says “let’s see if there’s something wrong with the brakes.”

We all have days at work when we wonder what the heck we’re doing, whether we’re doing it marginally well, and what it’s all for, anyway.

But whether you’re actually having a day like that or you just feel like it doesn’t really matter. Your mood has soured and it’s coloring everything.

I had a day like this not long ago. Only at the end of it, tucked safe and sound in bed with my book and my 1200-count Egyptian cotton sheets, was I able to get some perspective. I think I went through it so that you, loyal, stressed-out readers, could benefit.

“Healthy” doesn’t just mean firm abs

By now we all know that we should get 30 minutes of cardio several times a week; that breakfast is the most important meal of the day; and that a good night’s sleep is necessary in order to get up and cheerfully make that bowl of oatmeal, drag yourself to the gym and remain upright on the stair climber.
As well, everyone who has a job — desk jockeys, poultry processors, forklift operators, dentists — should know good and well that their work area is as safe and comfortable as possible for healthy worker bees.
But there is more to it than a strong “core” and perfect eyes-to-screen distance and angle. Consider that roundish thing that sits on your neck that sees, hears, smells, tastes, and chatters on all day: Your head. Its health is important, too. (And I’m not talking about wearing a hat so that all your body heat doesn’t escape — which I recently found out was a myth, anyway.)

Feed your head

That’s right: feed it. (And I’m not referring to the government’s 5 A Day fruits and vegetables serving recommendation). I’m talking about staying mentally healthy at work by learning to manage your stress, get perspective, make good choices, and last but not least, remain calm. (Everyone! Remain calm!)
. I found this topic fascinating, did a little research, and am here to share my findings with you.
First… a story that (I think) perfectly captures the essence of why it’s important to manage your stress on the job.

Stress and the air traffic controller

As recently as 25 years ago, discussing one’s emotional and mental well being in the workplace was just not done. In fact, it could get you escorted out of the building…and fast. Case in point: Remember the air traffic controllers’ strike of 1981? Nearly 13,000 of the 17,500 members of the union walked off the job. These folks were hoping to disrupt the nation’s air transportation system so the government would take a good, hard look at the growing demands of that job and the dangerous levels stress it caused.
(Unfortunately this story did not have a happy ending for the workers: President Ronnie Reagan fired them all and declared a lifetime FAA ban on them.)

We’ve come a long way since then. If your company is worth its salt (and its stock price — which is probably pretty generous these days), this topic should be dealt with proactively. But since I know for a fact that there are folks who wear their workplace stress like a badge of honor (as if a pounding heart, bulging eyes, and a short fuse prove company loyalty and commitment), here are some guidelines.
Deal with your stress and keep your job

When I told my friends and coworkers that I was writing about keeping workplace stress in check, they sent me some of their solutions (many of which I don’t advise):

Kelley
: “I learned from our IT guy that banging on your desk with your fists helps.”
Sandy
: “Don’t forget the tried and true: Scream at the top of your lungs whilst driving your car.”
Michael
: “Try killer ping pong: You only score points by hitting your opponent with the ball. Works like a charm!”
Steve
: “I just like to intubate, paralyze, and sedate my patients. It almost always makes me feel better. Then I go for Thai food.” (No, Steve is not a spider; he’s a nurse… and Crabby’s brother.)

Now that it’s very clear that so many people are still stressed at work, let’s take a look at what some experts advise:

Acknowledge that you’re stressed I know; it’s a cliché: Accepting something is the first step in dealing with it. But if you continue to believe that you aren’t stressed, that you’re just extra busy and being a baby about it, or that it’s the people around you who cause all your problems, you won’t have the wherewithal to change things.

Let’s get physical Anything that gets you moving can help. Even if you have a career that demands that you be on your feet and running around all day (such as a restaurant worker, a grade school teacher, a door-to-door vacuum salesman), getting heart-pounding exercise is still key to avoiding depression, poor memory, and overall crabbiness. So whether it’s a brisk walk round the park during your lunch hour, or a game of squash after work, hard exercise encourages your pituitary gland to release endorphins, chemicals which can block pain sensations and produce a feeling of euphoria. A good work out and true happiness?

How much better can it get?

Plan for stress When we’re in school, teachers, administrators, and even our parents don’t tend to talk about the fact that we’re all going to go through some sort of workplace stress at one point or another. Crabby prepares for it; I know that it’s coming (because it is). So I say, if you’ve got some vacation time saved up, don’t squander it; save it for a truly rainy day.

Take a frickin’ break Some companies provide game rooms where you can play ping pong or chess or just sit and do the New York Times crossword puzzle. Does this encourage people to slack off? I don’t think so. It lets employees know that the company understands that we’re not robots; that we do better work when we have breaks. If your company doesn’t provide such a thing, maybe you can plan to spend some time — even a half hour — doing some knitting, calling your mom, or solving a Sudoku puzzle. (I’d like to have a word with the person who invented that evil game.) Try meditating or even just sitting quietly; anything to get you out of the world you’re in…if just for a little while.

So this is my Facebook profile. Hi. It’s awesome that I added you as a friend so that you could view my profile. You’ll have noticed that I’ve disallowed anyone who isn’t my friend from viewing my profile. It’s just my thing, you know, because I’m so fucking great that any number of people might be stalking me at any time. So yeah.

You’ll see that I’m listed as ‘in a relationship. Yeah, that’s my friend Steve that I’m hanging out with. It’s just a Facebook relationship. It proves how fashionably single I am. I’m not actually a homosexual.

My “away status” is pretty esoteric, isn’t it? It shows how awfully deep and witty I am. The same goes for all the groups I’ve joined. Can you even understand what half of them are? Yeah, that’s because my friends and I created a bunch of groups that refer to our hyper-intellectual inside jokes. I mean, I don’t even know what a bijective graph is, but it sounds so cool in a Facebook group.

Did you see the “friends details” I wote about you when we became Facebook friends? They’re totally weird, but that’s the way I like it. I think I said we met in Prague in 2007 while drinking Pillsner until our ears bled and that we hung around for a while, and it was sticky becuase I slept with your mum, but now we aren’t speaking. Yeah, I know we met in Junior school and that we haven’t seen each other since, but I’m really trying to get to one-hundred friends in this network and I felt like we needed to reconnect.

So, onto my activities. I’ve written that I’m in this amazing guy. I’m a totally awesome Guitar Hero player. I’m like, whoa. You should watch me!. I tend to play at 3am when I’m wrecked after a night out. If I get to a million points, I’ll get to hear DragonForce how it should sound!. Wow, margaritas all around!

My “favorite music” list is incredible. I’ve listed musicians that you can’t even Google. They only way you can get hold of their music is by visiting this odd little music store in Soho that smells like paprika and tuna fish. Rare music makes me want to wee myself, I HEART it so much.

I’ve listed about ten thousand books. You’ll want to read through the list and make sure you’re familiar with all of them if you want to come to one of my brandy and cigar parties. If you bring up books (or music, for that matter) that aren’t on the list, we chant “Loser” at you until you leave in disgrace.

And my “favorite quotes.” You recognize that these pretty much define my life. They all imply a strong social undercurrent and a satirical bent that allude to my complex emotional plane. You should look the quotes’ authors up on Wikipedia or someting if you get confused.

So yeah, I went to college. You can tell because I’ve listed my qualifications. Specialising in Continuum Physics and Acoustics seemed like a very intellectual choice, but I can’t quite seem to find a nine-to-five deal out of it. If I cant find anything to cope with my weight intellect I might go check out the job postings at Starbucks. The fact that I had to move out of my parents’ attic isn’t helping the work situation either, as I’m now living in the city and am too scared and lonely to leave my apartment. But yeah.

Okay, so thanks for taking the time to get to know my Facebook self. I’m a really interesting person. I’ll totally write cutesy messages to your Facebook wall at three in the morning when I’m up browsing Craigslist for morally dubious items. So yeah. Ciao for now.

For those that dont know, the Jersey boys is the London West End theatre production, detailing the story of Franki Valli and the four seasons rise to fame.

I recentley went to watch this at the Palace Theatre, and I must say it was excellent.

Even if your not familiar with the band, you’ll know some of there songs, from “Big girls dont cry” to “bye bye baby”.

The story really is excellent, sad in parts, and quite funny to boot. Excellent cast, really good production and amazing costumes. This really was a great musical.

Go and see it!